Resilience and Courage on 9/11 with Felipe Rodriguez

Former NYPD officer Felipe Rodriguez shares his firsthand 9/11 experience, resilience, and the lasting impact on first responders in this powerful episode.

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Felipe Rodriguez, a former NYPD officer and our guest in this deeply impactful episode, opens up about his experiences on the front lines during one of America's darkest days, September 11, 2001. With a career that began amidst the turbulent crack wars of New York, Felipe's story isn't just about professional growth but also about personal resilience and the unwavering call to serve. From the crackling police radio to the heart-stopping moment the Twin Towers fell, Felipe's account is a testament to the courage and camaraderie shared by first responders who faced unimaginable chaos. His vivid recollections take us through the emotional and physical trials that tested him as he balanced his duty to the city with the instinct to protect his loved ones. As Felipe shares his journey from the moment of crisis to the profound silence that enveloped New York City, listeners are offered a poignant reflection on the bonds forged through shared trauma. We explore the lasting scars, both seen and unseen, that 9/11 left on those who answered the call. Through Felipe's candid narrative, we are reminded of the enduring power of human connection and the importance of remembering the lessons and sacrifices of that fateful day. This episode is not just about recounting history; it's about honoring the resilience of those who lived it and ensuring their stories continue to resonate.

About the Guest

Felipe Rodriguez, a 20-year veteran of the NYPD, as an Industry Advisor. Throughout his career, he has led complex organized crime investigations, contributed to significant gun seizures, and trained law enforcement professionals in firearms, CPR, and emergency response as a Training Academy Sergeant. Beyond his tenure in law enforcement, Felipe served as Head of Campus Safety for New Canaan Public Schools, ensuring the security of thousands of students and faculty. He is also an adjunct professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, educating future law enforcement professionals, and a frequent guest lecturer at international conferences on police leadership, corruption, and organized crime investigations. As a media representative for John Jay College, he has made over 220+ appearances on major platforms such as CNN, FOX, and Univision.

Transcript

Carol Park: 0:03

Hi everybody, welcome back to the Courage Unmasked podcast. I'm Carol Park, your host, and I'm so excited, delighted, to have Felipe Rodriguez with us this morning. You are going to, you're in for a treat, is all I can say. Treat in the sense of to hear from somebody who was in New York on September 11th 2001, a part of the NYPD, and we're going to hear his story. That, of course, is all about vulnerability, being in the midst of uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure, and that's what we highlight here on this podcast. So, felipe, welcome this morning. We are so honored to have you.Felipe Rodriguez: 0:53

Well, thank you for having me. It's going to be interesting.

Carol Park: 0:56

Well, I know it is going to be interesting and wow, I know you have such stories to tell. So let's just start with tell us a little bit about your background in the NYPD.

Felipe Rodriguez: 1:09

Well, you know, real simple, my policing has been my life. I actually took the police test at 16 and a half, which is something that you're not really going to hear.

Commix.io: 1:18

Wow, Very young, you can say it's a calling.

Felipe Rodriguez: 1:21

You know I was 20, very eager to do the job. It was, you know, a crazy time. It was the crack wars. It was New York City. People were getting murdered left and right. We had some of the highest homicide rates ever. And you know what? It wasn't even thinking about danger, it was just thinking about getting the job done and being a good cop. So you know, and we'll see now, so many years, how things have changed. But at the end of the day guess what? I'd be a detective.

Felipe Rodriguez: 1:49

By the time I was 26, 27, relatively young. I was in narcotics. I was running around in the vice unit seeing things that you know as a kid that grew up in the Bronx I wasn't really exposed to. So you know, that's a lot, you, you know, as a young age, to take on. Uh.

Felipe Rodriguez: 2:09

I made sergeant with 12 years on the job and once again, you know, new doors opened up, uh. But yet in my, my lifetime these doors have been sometimes larger than you could even walk through, you know. So it's almost like you're walking into the unknown. I actually made boss with 12 years on the job and I was part of an elite unit at the time. So I only did a year on patrol and I came back to supervise my very own team.

Felipe Rodriguez: 2:31

So I'm supervising guys that are 50 years old, that are second grade detectives, you know, detectives that have gone beyond some of the things that I've done first grade detectives. And here I stepped into a world where now I became their boss and then to say, 11 months after that we were rocked into this situation that would overwin anybody, which was 9-11. So here I am, a young sergeant having to look out for older people that might not understand at the time what I'm doing to keep them alive, and yet it had to get done, retired after that, and you know I still miss the job every day.

Carol Park: 3:09

Wow, you know, I hear the calling and I also hear that I think a lot of times with the calling which I hear so many first responders say it was a calling, that's a common theme. But I think a lot of times with the leaders that had the calling, there's just aptitudes that you have. It's etched in our memories of where we were, what we were doing, when we saw the news, heard the news. Somebody called us there's an assault on our country, but you were there. So walk us through what your morning of 9-11 was. Walk us through, Tell us more.

Felipe Rodriguez: 4:08

It's difficult. You know, here you are, I was. I had my second daughter was like eight months old, you know, and at that point my wife was a detective at NYPD, so she was already down at one police plaza and it's almost, you know, do I leave? I have to leave my family behind and abandon them, because I have an entire team waiting for me to take charge. So I called my aunt at the time and I kind of just threw my kid out of my newborn the older one was still in school and you kind of jumped in your car and you said, let's get this done, you know, and it's a lot to do.

Carol Park: 4:59

Well, just, I can't even imagine that decision that you had, aspects of the vulnerability which is the emotional exposure piece, that sometimes we just don't even think about, the emotions that are involved as we move into the uncertainty risk. So, as you called your aunt and you handed off your eight-month-old daughter to go to the call, driving there, tell us more how the morning unfolded for you.

Felipe Rodriguez: 5:28

It's something surreal. So, being in an investigative unit, we had take-home radios. You know, some departments do, some departments don't. I made the mistake of turning on that radio immediately, since I saw the planes crashing and, as cops, no matter what happens, we show up. You know, when another fellow cop calls for help, I don't care if you come in horseback on a train, if you commandeer a taxi, you make sure you're there for someone else. So we had a transit officer that was screaming into the radio and this poor. I'll never forget these screams. It's still etched in my mind and the inability for me to even get there because I was in the county of the Bronx and she was in Manhattan and it just to this day it still. It sticks with me.

Carol Park: 6:12

I bet it haunts you at. Really, it sticks with you in a haunting way. Uh, just hearing that, so you're, you know it's like I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there, so yeah, then what? Then what happens?

Felipe Rodriguez: 6:28

Yes, we, we ended up meeting. We had a clandestine location. Pretty much it was a house, because our units would basically rent houses near the subjects that we were investigating. So the community at large didn't even know that we were the police. And that day, you know, we go running out with gun belts and we wear, you know, the NYPD raid jackets, you know, like the tactical jackets that we wear, and just seeing them look at us, you know they were like what the hell is going on. They knew something was going on bad and we put on the radio, the car radio, and we have different levels of police response here. Level one would be like the local officers assigned to the area, but they jumped up straight to level four, something that I think happened maybe one other time in the entire history of the NYPD, which is, if you're off duty, show up no matter what. So it was the ultimate call for anyone to hear.

Carol Park: 7:22

So it was the ultimate call for anyone to hear. So you mentioned. You saw the plane crash into the towers. You saw it.

Felipe Rodriguez: 7:30

Yes, no, I was still in my house when that one hit and at that point I wasn't far from that clandestine location that we came out of. I got four of my guys in a car together and I directed the rest of my team to start responding. And this is when it gets surreal. So it just happened that at that time I was trying to finish my first masters at John Jay and I was actually studying terrorism and sometimes too much knowledge can almost kind of put fear in you. And we decided to take the Midtown Tunnel. And as we're ready to take the Midtown Tunnel going from, as we're ready to take the Midtown Tunnel going from the LIE Highway, I saw the second tower fall and it fell straight down. It was something like it looked like a Lego house, it looked like one of your kids just took one of their toys and toppled it over and it came straight down.

Felipe Rodriguez: 8:18

And here we are now going into a tunnel and, knowing that terrorism sometimes, you know, terrorists plant secondary devices the panic of me going through that Midtown tunnel, I told the guy that was driving me, the detective. I said listen, you got to step on this gas. We got to get out of here fast. We're in a bad position. So, knowing all of this, it just you know. Sometimes knowledge is great. But knowledge could also add to your fear, which people don't realize.

Carol Park: 8:42

Oh, absolutely so. Y'all are driving too because, like you said, you're going to be there. You're driving into all of the danger. So what is surreal? I'm sure your brain was in a multitude the emotions, the rational thinking like how did you stay grounded enough to know next steps to support, to lead to direct.

Felipe Rodriguez: 9:10

It's just you know, we do have an intensive training academy, it's called BMOC, basic Management, and you kind of, just you know, defer to that, I've always been kind of I know my policies, I know my procedures. I was always a resource for my lieutenant that sometimes wouldn't know all of them. So I prided myself on kind of knowing what to do, but still it's ad hoc. Sometimes I had one officer in the car calling his parents leaving like his last will and testament, and I had to quell that immediately. I said listen, no one's dying on my tour, we're all making it home.

Carol Park: 9:55

Did you all make it home? Yeah, we did. Wow, wow, so so then you're driving to get down there. Did you actually go to that?

Felipe Rodriguez: 9:59

that ground level, like what we were there. I mean, we were right next to the church, you know, the famous church, and uh, you know, uh, and once again I'm still missing half my team, you know, because my other team decided to take, you know, another highway, so we kind of got, you know, and then communications went down. People don't realize this. So, you know, one of our main abilities as police officers is being able to communicate, get help, be able to disseminate information of danger. So we were basically, you were, left on your own to figure it out and, you know, my guys wanted to go into the building and once again, thank God, you know, I had a little bit of knowledge base and I said, listen, the first building fell. Take it from me.

Carol Park: 10:54

The second one's going to fall and they were like Sarge. We got to be heroes, we got to help people and that's a hard decision. You know you got to hold these guys back. Particular moment where it felt exceptionally vulnerable because I'm hearing all along the way it's one thing after the other, it's the okay, the rest of the team's not there, this tower fell, we don't have ability to communicate. You're leading and directing this team. Is there any moment in particular for you that stands out as really extraordinarily vulnerable, where you felt like, maybe physically or emotionally, you didn't know what to do, how to respond and how did you cope?

Felipe Rodriguez: 11:39

You just couldn't. It kind of went on autopilot. The cops are going to, you know, my detectives, because they were all detectives they're going to feed off of me. So there is no time to panic. And it was just heartbreaking because, you know, I got this detective in the backseat and he's calling his mother and he's saying Mom, I love you. You know, you know, you know he's basically saying his last goodbyes, absolutely.

Carol Park: 12:06

Yeah, yeah, this is yeah, and you just go on autopilot and did you just have to kind of detach from your own emotions at but? But you can't right, you can't do that.

Felipe Rodriguez: 12:20

No, you kind of go into to to. You know, you know they say sometimes you fight flight and sometimes you have to lead and we position ourselves to be able to evacuate and assist people. And you know, like I said, I had a couple of guys that wanted to play hero, but I knew the second building would fall. I had that feeling. I know from you, know my teachings, things that I've learned and everything else and I said no, we got to stand fast. And one thing that was incredible and everything else. And I said no, we got to stand fast and one thing that was incredible we were trying to lead people in a certain way because I knew the building should fall straight down, like the first one did, but I was always feared that it would topple over. So I was kind of redirecting people to the area that I thought was the safest.

Felipe Rodriguez: 12:59

And I had somebody and it goes to show you how people don't think I'm positioning myself to make sure that you get home safely. And this one person wanted to argue with me and they said, well, how am I going to get home to Brooklyn? And sometimes your brain was like, and that's when I had enough, that's like when, you know the pot boiled over and everything I'm like listen at this point. Either you listen to me or you die. Those are your options and you know you never want to talk and I'll never forget that.

Carol Park: 13:30

But I'm like why are you arguing me when I'm trying to save your life? Yeah, you know, I think of what we see sometimes, and I mean this just from images, that kind of the slap therapy like boom, boom, wake up. Like listen to me, you've got to because the brain can go into that irrational panic mode and you had to stay calm. People running with the smoke and the billowing, and you know they're covered in ashes themselves For you. How would you describe what you were seeing and what was going on?

Felipe Rodriguez: 14:21

It was surreal. So when the second building fell, we were there and it's something like I said if you weren't there you're not going to understand it. You saw it as a billowing, you know, cloud of smoke to me, as we were running, that thing looked like it was alive. It looked like it was a monster coming to get us and no matter how fast you ran, you couldn't outrun it and I turned the corner. And just so you have naive, your brain could be, I turned the corner and I kind of turned around. I'm like, well, I turned the corner, maybe it's not going to follow me. It wasn't. It was like a living entity that just swallowed us up. So we just kind of ducked underneath some cars and then when we woke up, we looked like snowmen. It was.

Carol Park: 15:47

It was incredible, yeah, so then what? So then you come out from under the car and you're in this scene, and then then what do you do?

Felipe Rodriguez: 15:56

I mean it, I'm sure it's the overwhelm no, we already had a smell of smoke, but then it was, it was I don't know. It was almost like instant, you know, you got the the weird smell of burning things that no one should smell. Yeah, you know, it was mercury, it was asbestos and it was just you know. And after a couple hours there, we actually smelled like burning flesh. It's horrible. I mean, how do you, how do you get away from this? And we just, you know it kept going on and on. My team was still missing. You know, we saw people coming out, you know, covered in blood covered, and it just kept going on and on. It was like the day never ended. It was, everything was in full motion.

Carol Park: 16:40

You know I'm I'm thinking your decision, as you had to think, ok, I've got to leave my family because there's a call and I have to go to that. At what point in time were you able to pause to let your own family know hey, I'm OK, like I'm going to be here, but I'm OK. How did that? I mean your family was probably so panicked, I mean your family was probably so panicked.

Felipe Rodriguez: 17:05

Yeah, I mean, like I said, she was assigned to administrative duties at one police plaza. I have no idea what happened with that at that day, Just it, just. We have no communications. I think at the end of the day one of our guys had one cell phone that worked, but only texting, and texting wasn't you know as prevalent as this thing, and I think we got a text to a text. It was you know what at the end of the day. I don't even know because I was there so many hours and the day just dragged on.

Felipe Rodriguez: 17:34

It was the weirdest thing. At the end of the night I'll never forget this before we actually found the rest of my team, and that's another crazy story. Remember when they told Columbus if he kept sailing, he was going to fall off the earth. At the end of my team and that's another crazy story Remember when they told Columbus if he kept sailing he was going to fall off the earth. At the end of the night, it was the darkest void that I've ever seen in life. It was. There was no light there, there was no noise in a city of millions of people, and I actually said, like you know what this is. It's almost like they opened the gateway to like something evil. It just nothing existed.

Carol Park: 18:07

No light, nothing, yeah, oh yeah. The darkness was just paralyzing almost of just whoa. I don't know what to do, how to feel, how to respond. How did the rest of the team I'm sure the other listeners are like me like did y'all finally get together? Like how did you find them? Did everybody survive?

Felipe Rodriguez: 18:35

the rest of the team. We actually found each other later on and we just, you know, we hugged, yeah, yeah, that's all we could do. We hugged, yeah, yeah, that's all we could do. We hugged, yeah. And until recently. We just had a dinner a couple of weeks ago and it was funny. One of our officers had written something on his Facebook page and it's funny how we look at things from different perspectives and the way he wrote it it actually brought back. It was amazing. I'd like to read it, if you don't mind to take a second. I would be so honored. It says 23 years ago this day, I was assigned to the NYPD, a unit called DOCID, which is the Organized Crime Investigation Division.

Felipe Rodriguez: 19:22

After the first plane hit the tower, half my team went down to the area of Broadway and Fulton and the other detectives took a different route to the Brooklyn Bridge. The first tower collapsed. When we ran down Fulton, the dust swallowed us up. You know, I was trying to keep my eyes closed and my breath as long as we could. So basically we were trying to see and breathe something. That's just basic. You know, the dust was eating away. It was horrible. It was eating away our vision, that concrete dust that people don't even understand. Later on, thank God, the Red Cross came and actually, you know, gave us first aid to be able to see the rest of the night, because we were much blinded and we would have been if they hadn't have shown up.

Felipe Rodriguez: 20:02

And then it says, uh, we regrouped. The saint paul's church, that's that's the church where I was already at we were covered like sugar cookies. The second tower collapsed and we ran again. Once and when we regrouped because we were just getting scattered, thrown about by the dust and this beast that was chasing us. And then it says we couldn't find any of our teammates. We didn't know who was dead or alive. You know, we got closer to the fallen towers and saw the destruction and, standing here at St Paul's Church again, remember, another Tower, 7 fell. So once again we started running for our lives because it looks like it was a white tiger chasing us down.

Felipe Rodriguez: 20:40

And it says I could barely describe the scene as we ran a couple of hundred feet towards the front of the church, it swallowed us up. It says we broke into a hardware store to get tools to be able to save people and do whatever we could. He says I could admit this now because the statute of limitations has passed. It says it's funny, cop humor. Right, we're a little different. Yes, yes, it says well, it get close to midnight and guess what? We finally saw Flip, mike and Bobby and the others coated with dust and debris. Sadly, many of our other friends didn't make it. But that day, you know what, we made it home. That was written by Detective Jason Spiller and until a couple of weeks ago, guess what, I hadn't seen his perspective. But seeing that, you know it means a lot. It means a lot.

Carol Park: 21:30

Yeah, it means a lot. It means a lot, yeah, it means a lot. What I know today, it still haunts and lingers. I can't, truly I can't even imagine and thank you for sharing that perspective that we saw these images on TV, that it was like, oh, some smoke and billows, and to hear you describe, no, it was alive, it was like a tiger, it was chasing you, you couldn't get away, and that you couldn't see, you couldn't breathe.

Carol Park: 22:07

The things that we take for granted, like you living through that which I'm so grateful that you lived through it and so incredibly sad and devastated for those who did not. And then the impact on their families and friends and lives of those who love them. It's just so dramatic, tragic. How do we even find horrific, how do we find words that can even begin to grasp the horrific? Horrendous Again, I don't have words. So, yeah, and your service in it to be there, to run into the scene, to help people, to protect yourself as the building fell, and then to continue to be there like and this went on for days and months, and then, as a detective, years trying to probably understand what. What is this? And so I don't know. Tell us anything more around this that really stands out to you.

Felipe Rodriguez: 23:23

It's just you know, now, a couple of years later, you know we kind of relive it and there's always triggers and things that happen. Like you know, you'll get a smell, that just it hits you in a certain way. And I remember some of the equipment they brought down. There was heavy equipment and you know, trying to save people that might have been trapped and moving debris and you'll be amazed Like there's a clanging metal noise and you'll be amazed like there's a clanging metal noise or it could be bought off, sometimes from certain plates hitting like dinner plates or something so innocuous. As you know, in my new job there's cashiers and sometimes when they bring down the like the slot that comes out and holds the money in the cash drawer, that clinging or that metal, the way it sounds and reverberates. I almost you would have thought I got shot at, the way my body just cringes. So now it's kind of like, without wanting to, you're reliving moments and it's something a lot of people don't understand.

Carol Park: 24:28

Yeah, I know you describing what I would, as a therapist, call a trauma trigger, which the body keeps score and a sound, a smell, a touch of something, it all comes flooding back. And as an EMDR trained therapist, you know we we believe in that. But I said to you, you know I I believe in EMDR and I also understand that that level of trauma to completely move it through your body I can't imagine you know that that it might even be possible. Now there may be other EMDR therapists out there that may have a different opinion, but this was just at a level when you described level four that you can only remember one other time in the history of NYPD and it went immediately to level four. Wherever you are come. Now that that level of trauma, at that, I would think that these trauma triggers would still be, because you told me you did some EMDR that they provided some different therapies for y'all as first responders to help. But yeah, there's just a level at which it still exists, right.

Felipe Rodriguez: 25:52

It does, and it's just, you know. But the problem and I'm not trying to say we're different, it's just this thing was so such a level of magnitude that it just the wounds keep coming. You know, we get magazines from like the union, or sometimes I'll, you know, attend an academy graduation because my officers you know that I've trained over the years they get promoted and they want me to show up and everything. And I walk into the police academy and it's it's like who's next? You know, they have a giant post of officers that have passed cancers and all sorts of diseases, giant posts of officers that have passed, you know, cancers and all sorts of diseases. You know people that have lung cancers, people that have never smoked and all sorts of things that you know young people should not have at that age. And it's almost like, do I want to look, you know? And then I look at that board because I feel guilty after, and then I'm like, oh my God, I knew him. I worked with Dumb and Narcotics.

Carol Park: 26:55

You know we were both sergeants together and it's like we're still dying. Yeah, I know I keep saying this, I don't have words, and I really am so grateful that you're willing to share your story this morning, because I think those of us who were old enough to see the pictures don't understand until as I hear it from your mouth with your words, of the intensity that it's not just a picture that we saw on TV and has passed. And, of course, now there are upcoming generations that weren't alive when it happened. And I know that when you and I talked and I know that it still is so difficult as you tell the story, because it's like you're reliving it and I said are you sure you want to do this? And you told me yes, I do, because for those who weren't around or don't understand, I think it's important that people understand Is there something that you really want those of us who are old enough or those who weren't alive at the time, what do you want them to know and understand?

Felipe Rodriguez: 28:06

I see the logo on these shirts and the slogan about you know, never forget. It's a part of history. If we don't remember history, it's going to happen again. We have to make sure something like this never happens again in this country. You know it was the first attack on American soil. People forget that. You know we were in the pile and you talk about a moment where you kind of feel like holy shit. You know I'm proud to be an American. You know you had to see when they started the combat air patrols and you know when you saw those military jets coming over us to make sure nothing else would happen. You know those are sounds you never forget. You know you could love America, hate it, whatever, but you know what? We're all Americans, we're all here and you can't forget this.

Felipe Rodriguez: 28:51

People are still dying. I myself have had five medical procedures on my face. I've had major sinus issues. I choke when I sleep at night and some of these procedures are just heinous. Some of these procedures are just heinous. You know. Imagine waking up and half the inside of your sinuses are missing and you know the days of blood coming out. It's just, you know. And some things are experimental. I had them put a rod on my nose with some sort of like spider mesh and they basically used radio waves to burn the back of my sinuses off. You know 9-11 people are still suffering. You know it happened a long time ago. But our bodies guess what? We were damaged not only psychologically, physically, and a lot of people have died as a result. That's what we need to not forget.

Carol Park: 29:42

Yeah, so never forget, never forget Wow, I know that there's probably so much more that you could share with us and really I'm just thinking okay, we, we will definitely have you as a guest again, because nine, nine, eleven was huge. But also, you have other aspects of the NYPD and I also know that today you are on numerous like news channels CBS, nbc, cnn for all of the things that are still occurring today the shooting of the UnitedHealthcare, the murder of the UnitedHealthcare CEO, the New Orleans terror attack. I saw you on CNN last night. So I know that we're going to have you on this podcast again. But to kind of just end today, never forget absolutely anything else that you just feel is important, that we should know.

Felipe Rodriguez: 30:51

You know people need to realize cops, you know, we're just human beings, nobody's a superhero. And cops also need to realize when you need help, reach out. You know, don't be afraid to say you're not okay. You know, for the longest, when I came out of the job, we had a huge stigma of you suck it up. You know, and as a sergeant you have to pay special attention to your cops. You know them better than anyone else. They spend more time with you than they do with their spouses or their family.

Carol Park: 31:24

As a frontline supervisor, you need to be there for your cops at all times. I mean, what a great parting. You know we've talked on other episodes with some fire chiefs around the psychological safety, people feeling like it's okay to say you're not okay and for leaders to understand that we're not always okay and it's okay and that you're going to be there for them no matter what. So that's safety, to not be okay and to share and to ask for help. So, Felipe, again, wow, I know this episode. I hope that it just goes viral so that people can hear and understand more of what it was like then and even now, even today, the impact that still lingers. And so let's never forget. Let's continue to put this out there, Never forget, unite as Americans, as as a country, and to just support one another. So, again, thank you, so grateful for your time this morning.

Commix.io: 32:36

Thanks for tuning in to the Courage Unmasked podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It really helps us grow. Follow us on social media for updates and a look at what's coming next, and a big thank you to our sponsor, comixio, for supporting this journey. Until next time, keep leading with courage.

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