Unresolved trauma can have a profound impact on our lives, from our personal well-being to our closest relationships. This episode's guest, Devra Najera, shares her incredibly moving journey through trauma and the transformative power of somatic therapy. Inspired by a pivotal EMDR session, Devra explores how reconnecting with her childhood memories provided her with the insight to address emotions physically alongside mentally. Her experiences led her to write the book "Somatic Therapy for Trauma" under the pen name Joy Devereaux, an insightful guide filled with practical exercises for emotional release and nervous system regulation.
In our conversation, we navigate the complexities of trauma's impact on relationships and the vital role of communication in healing. Devra candidly discusses the generational transmission of trauma and the courage it takes to break these cycles. Her personal anecdotes reveal how she has integrated self-care techniques into her daily life to manage emotional responses and foster healthier family dynamics. Devra also emphasizes the importance of listening to our body's signals and learning when to pause, drawing from both intuition and scientific evidence to guide her journey.
Finally, the emotional process of writing her personal story is explored, touching on themes of self-compassion and support networks. We highlight the value of mindful practices such as breathing techniques and proper nutrition as tools for coping with everyday challenges. Throughout the episode, Devra's insights resonate with the essence of her book, illuminating the ongoing, non-linear path of healing and the power of self-compassion in overcoming life's hurdles.
Here are some key takeaways from this episode on Courage Unmasked:
- The Transformative Power of Somatic Therapy: Devra Najera shares how somatic therapy, particularly techniques like EMDR, helped her address unresolved trauma by reconnecting with her body's signals. This empowered her to regulate emotions and heal holistically.
- Self-Compassion and Healing: Devra highlights the importance of self-compassion and learning to pause during the healing process. She emphasizes that healing is non-linear and requires patience, self-reflection, and recognizing the body's cues.
- Practical Tools for Emotional Regulation: Devra’s book, Somatic Therapy for Trauma, offers accessible exercises to help individuals release emotional pain, regulate the nervous system, and foster a mind-body connection—tools that readers can incorporate into their everyday lives.
About the Guest
Devra Najera is a versatile professional with a diverse background in health and wellness, sales, and technology. Currently based in Capistrano Beach, California, she works as a Meal Planning Coach/Consultant at The Meal Plan Mentor, helping women transition to healthier eating lifestyles. Her career journey includes roles such as Content Writer for Foodie4Nutrition, Wellness Coordinator at Baby Boot Camp, and various positions in recruitment and sales.
Known for her problem-solving skills and dedication to providing quality services, Najera specializes in sales, negotiation, training, and coaching. Her diverse skill set, and adaptability have allowed her to succeed in various roles throughout her career, from technology-focused recruitment to health and wellness coaching.
Transcript
Carol Park: 0:03
Good morning everyone, and welcome back to the Courage Unmasked podcast, where we're continuing to shine the light on vulnerability, and super honored to have our guest this morning, debra Nahara, and Debra has a great story that she's going to share about her own journey and her own courage and vulnerability and how that inspired her to actually write a book. And so, debra, I'm going to let you launch into that. Tell us a little bit about your journey and you deciding to write a book journey and you deciding to write a book.Devra Najera: 0:49
Yeah Well, thank you for having me. So I had decided to write the book about somatic therapy after going to therapy myself. Specifically, it came up because I had lost three really close people in my life in a very short period of time and it was a very dark, rough place at the time and I had been to therapy off and on. I mean, I had two parents who had their own stuff and never, I think, fully dealt with it, and there's a piece of it where I don't think intentionally, but there's repercussions for that, not just for them but for us, like their kids. So, um, I think I kind of just kept pushing through and pushing through and it got to this point where I was like I, I, I can't. It's like I hit a wall, Um, and it was just, it felt too like it was too much to take and too overwhelming, and therapy helped, Um, and I ended up, you know, finding a really good therapist who I felt like really understood. There were some really great ones, but I just felt like it was more so, like, oh, that's validating and that's that's great. I think you need that, but I had finally found one that I felt like kind of got me a little bit more and had kind of pushed and we were doing some different things, and so the big thing that was eye opening for me is done.
Devra Najera: 2:02
Um, I had done EMDR a couple of times, but I had this one session where I I had the paddles and cause they buzz on each hand. It's the bilateral stimulation that helps you reprocess the memory. And I was right back to being seven and with a situation with my mom, um, and her boyfriend's brother and he's like shoving me up the stairs and I was scared and mad actually, which kind of surprised me, and I had gone right back to the place I was having like the cold sweats and my stomach was tight and I was angry and sad and like I started crying and I was like what is going on? Um, and it was intense. But then at the end which is part of the whole EMDR process, but that she brought me back to doing some deep breathing and some grounding, and then we did sort of a safe space, um exercise where you kind of think of all the things that make you calm and everything.
Devra Najera: 3:01
And I was amazed how quickly I could go from that, out of control, in a sense, of my emotions, to back to being me sitting in that chair and present, and it was so eyeopening to me and it was because it was like dealing with all those feelings. We were focused on the feelings, not just the thoughts that were going on, because sometimes the thoughts aren't real. I clearly, like my body, thought through that situation, but I wasn't and I had. It took me having that choice and doing those things to bring me back to that moment and recognizing that's not what and getting my body to recognize that and I just thought that was so powerful and I didn't know that that was. I didn't know that that was an option or a choice.
Devra Najera: 3:50
So it was empowering too. Like that it was the whole experience, like it was all of it. But that piece of it really stuck out and I felt like some people know about it and I think in theory, people know the concept of it and the vagus nerve and all of that. But it's also just the little things sometimes, and especially doing the consistency, that have the biggest impact and you can do it Like someone helped walk me through it. But the things in the book are all things that you can do on your own with therapy.
Carol Park: 4:20
Yeah, I think this is the beauty of your book. So again you put it under kind of a pen name Joy Devereaux. And so somatic therapy for trauma and I love your subtitle quick exercises to release emotional pain and regulate the nervous system for a powerful mind body connection system, for a powerful mind-body connection, heightened intuition and inner peace. And so your book, as I expressed to you before, you, did an amazing job of taking some very complex theory and techniques and you just simplified it, like you put it in layman's terms, and have made it accessible. So I really like how you say that oh, you know, you don't necessarily even have to go through therapy again. Therapy and having a trauma trained, somatic trained therapist to guide you through can be very helpful. But a lot of these techniques that you put in there people can do on their own, which I think is the beauty of writing your book which, again, as we're talking about vulnerability, being courage and walking into uncertainty, risk emotional exposure.
Carol Park: 5:40
Your book is is that? I mean you're putting some of your own story and experience which you put in the beginning of the book. What was that like to write a book about your own personal experience and being vulnerable? That's a big word, putting it out there in order to help others. What was that like? Sharing your own journey and putting it in writing.
Devra Najera: 6:07
Yeah, great and horrible at the same time, honestly, I mean it's exciting, scary really Because anytime you're putting yourself out there, you know that you set yourself up for some level of judgment, um, which is I'm all for constructive criticism, I love constructive but it's not always going to be that way, and so I had to kind of prepare for that. Um, the other thing is, too it's it's. I think there's a piece of it, too, where, as much as we've all had unique things happen in some ways we're also not that unique there's some tie that everyone has experienced some level of trauma in their life, like cause really, it's whenever your system is just overloaded and you can't really process at that moment. So I think that there's a piece of it where knowing that, sharing some of my what I had experienced and knowing how it could benefit, and knowing there's gotta be other people like me who didn't know that that was an option, cause I mean, I've seen plenty of therapists, I've tried lots of things out there and I still like this is something that I don't think is always talked about.
Devra Najera: 7:24
Like I said, I think talk therapy is extremely important. I do, and I think this doesn't necessarily need to be instead of, but at least a compliment. At the same time. There's times when things happen and you can't always get ahold of your therapist or someone. So knowing that you have this in your pocket or sort of in your toolbox, whatever you want to be able to access and do on your own, I think in and of itself knowing that when you're feeling out of control, you have that moment to have it, where you can be like, okay, I have an option, I actually can choose to do this to calm my system down is super important and just I didn't even know that that could be that in and of itself, like whatever the technique is, whatever you choose, just knowing in that moment that you're you don't have to stay stuck in that and wait for it to pass or push through it, or that you actually can do something about it, it's just really important.
Carol Park: 8:22
Yeah, it's like to be empowered instead of feel so overwhelmed, so out of control that these tools that you write about in your book and, as a therapist who does talk therapy I'm also trained in EMDR as well Sometimes people who are going to do trauma work I heard this from a master clinician therapist, dini Laliotis, who started EMDR training and teaching and doing it with clients in the 70s. What she had kind of how she describes this is talk therapy. Like it would be like if you're going from here to so I'm in Texas and if you're going to California, talk therapy. Like it would be like if you're going from here to so I'm in Texas and if you're going to California, talk therapy might be like, okay, we're going to drive there and stop at every 711 along the way. Like you can get there, you can get to your destination.
Carol Park: 9:18
But really with trauma, like you're describing, to some somatic therapy, somatic experiencing therapy, emdr, some of those therapies it's what she says. It's like getting on a plane and flying from Texas to California and having some of that release because the body keeps score, right?
Carol Park: 9:38
And so part of your EMDR process is letting the body know that that memory is over and then opening the space to be able to come up with new thoughts. It's kind of, as you said earlier some of my thoughts were not correct because in trauma we can get negative beliefs that really get stored and we respond according to that, and so I think some of the somatic therapy really helps to open that space to come to new beliefs, new understandings that don't keep us stuck. So I really like how you shared that.
Devra Najera: 10:18
Yeah, I also think too a lot of times with talk therapy.
Devra Najera: 10:21
I know for me there's times where I've also found it challenging because you have to address things head on sometimes, which is necessary, but there's other times if you're not ready to have the other option. And I think somatic therapy is powerful but very gentle, because you're focused on the feeling sometimes and not necessarily the specific event. And so I think sometimes it can be more soothing sometimes and even though and you get, you still get to a good healing place, but in a different, softer way sometimes, which I also think if you've had some severe trauma, it's a great option. It's good. If you've had the you know we've talked about the little T and the capital T trauma it can work across the board, but especially, I think, in those cases because if you've had something you might not be ready to go head on and face that, yeah, that's part of it In the same way at least yes, the power of the relationship with the therapist to be able to engage and kind of meet you where you are and help you take it at your own pace.
Carol Park: 11:25
And then the resources that you talked about tapping in like the safe space, and you may have done some others. But again, going back to your book, you were really able to just share some of the somatic trauma therapy. How did you find that trauma? If you will just showing up in your everyday life? What was that?
Devra Najera: 11:58
like I think for me, like even just doing therapy I had done therapy off and on at various points in my life, but especially once I had kids that was the catalyst for me, because I didn't you know, there's that sort of cliche but you know, when you're wounded, you bleed on others, hurt people, hurt others and I didn't want to be and what I was going through I was like I don't want my kids to ever go through this. I don't want that to be on them. I don't. I mean, they're still going to have their things and we're not. None of us are perfect. How can we try? I didn't. I could prevent that as much as I could.
Devra Najera: 12:38
I wanted to do that and so I think for me it showed up primarily in my relationship with my kids and especially my husband, who is someone who's much more even, keeled and well adjusted. He's been a really good balance for me and also seeing and learning to some extent too, because again, there's sometimes early in our relationship where I would get so upset and it was like off the ledge and it was like I couldn't step back and see that big picture. So I think, having conversations we had a lot of conversations and I think a lot of times what was going on in my head wasn't necessarily real either and I was bringing something to the table that was not between me and him. It was my own stuff. You know that, again, your body thinks something else is happening a lot of times and I could feel it and I think being open and having the conversations and the communication has helped a lot. And then I also think with my kids.
Devra Najera: 13:47
I notice it especially more so when they were little, because sometimes I would be mad. It would be about like cause I was overstimulated, there was just too much going on. I had too much and I didn't know what to do with it and I also felt like there was no, I didn't want to freak out or anything like that. At the same time it was like where where do I put all this that I'm feeling right now? And there's times where, like I would get upset and then I would make sure I would apologize to them, but a lot of times I'm like it had nothing to do with them. I might've gotten upset and yelled and it really had nothing to do with them at all. It was the situation.
Devra Najera: 14:18
It was my own stuff, so I would definitely say relationships.
Carol Park: 14:23
Yeah, you know what it makes sense Sometimes we might use the term trauma triggers that we just don't even realize that something got triggered and we're really responding to something from the past that got triggered in the present. So, learning how to recognize and again, you went through some of the somatic therapies to help release some of those trauma triggers. Excuse me, so they're not quite as like whoa, all of a sudden you're responding. You can ooh, you worked it through some.
Devra Najera: 14:58
Oh, this is happening.
Carol Park: 15:00
Yes, yes, and then you can learn to regulate and modulate some of those emotions in relationships. And yeah, you had even said earlier, it's like you don't blame your parents. They didn't necessarily do some of their work, maybe for numerous, the resources weren't available, the people, weren't available.
Devra Najera: 15:22
They didn't recognize it Somewhat generational.
Carol Park: 15:24
Yes, yes. And so for you to recognize and say, oh, I want to do this differently, especially for my kids and for future generations. I want to do this differently Again took so much courage and being able to begin to write the book. How did you deal with the okay, I'm writing this book, which is about trauma, and so how did you do your own personal self-care to take care of yourself while writing such an intense book? Really?
Devra Najera: 16:41
There was a few times where I questioned whether I could do it. There was a lot of self-doubt along the way and there was a lot of like I don't know if this is good enough and I'm not the expert and who's really going to want to hear this Like, since I'm not an expert, all those things that that come up. Um, and multiple times, um, I caught myself pushing through a couple and I'd be like caught myself pushing through a couple and I'd be like I felt like a hypocrite a little bit, to be honest. Um, because I'm like I had to remember, like I'm writing this book about how to deal with some of the things I'm dealing with. I need to take my own advice. So there were several times where I was like I need, I need to go for a walk, I need to do some deep breaths, I need to do some visualization, um, and just take a break and step back.
Devra Najera: 17:27
I think my natural kind of it's kind of a survival thing where I, for so much of my life, I just kept pushing, just you know, like what's the Nemo Just swimming, just keep kind of goes through my head and I felt like that got me really far in life.
Devra Najera: 17:45
It got me as far as it did, but then I got to a point where it was not actually helping me and I think I still catch myself doing it. I was doing it with the book where it was like, no, just keep going, keep going, and sometimes that is not the answer at all. And when I started to kind of hit that just not feeling good about it and not being exciting and not being focused on that like this could help people and all the good stuff Cause the thing is, there's two sides of every coin and where you focus is that's where you want. And when I found myself going down the more like negative road, I needed to stop and then kind of refill, reset and then get back on the path to where I want to be going, where I'm driving, and things aren't just happening and thoughts aren't just cause they're going to happen.
Carol Park: 18:45
But I think I need to be aware of rer so that you could write a book that others could understand and grasp and use those tools. So helping others sounds like it was a huge value. Also, not wanting to pass it on to your kids, you know, to do things differently was another value. So, yeah, and then using the things that you learned when you found yourself oh, just keep going, doing, doing. Would your body give you certain clues that, hey, this isn't necessarily working right now?
Devra Najera: 19:22
Yes, yeah, for me. I always like, my stomach always gets tight, my, my top three. My stomach always gets tight and then my shoulders always tense and my chest feels tight. Those are, like my go-to seems to be, the signals. The other thing is, sometimes I've even noticed more recently too when I feel like I'm not saying something I want to be saying, I almost get like froggy in my throat.
Devra Najera: 19:50
It almost feels like something's in there, um, which is, after doing something like I think, after you have some practice too, you're like oh, these are the ones I always get, and you start to kind of notice some of the other littler ones, or you start to notice the ones that aren't always there, that are there in certain situations, that tell you things like that. So I know the subtitle is a bit of a mouthful, but that's what the intuition part is, because a lot of times we don't like that, our body's doing this and we feel out of control. But again, the other side of the coin is of that it's giving us signs, it's telling us something. So, instead of looking at that and being like I don't want this, I don't want this, it could be like okay, instead of I don't want this. What is it trying to tell me? What is the why is this? Why? Why is it happening? And taking a minute to sit and look at that, and a lot of times you're like, oh okay, this is why and it's happening right now.
Devra Najera: 20:45
So I actually don't need to feel this way and there is just in that moment sometimes something that can be immediate release because of that realization which, again, I just think is so cool and it's and there's science behind it too, because I think some of this stuff some people can think it's kind of like woo, woo and out there, but there there is the science to it with the nervous system. So I think that was the other part is. I didn't want to make that part too dense, but I also think it's such an important part and I kind of love the science, but I don't like to get too bogged down in it either. So I'm glad that that that came off as layman's terms enough.
Carol Park: 21:21
So yeah, it really did. And yes, this is very evidence-based therapy. It's very rooted in science and there's evidence that it really works, you know, to help in the healing journey. So, yeah, there's definitely. It can sound woo-woo and when people hear it they may be like, oh, I don't know about that, but yes, there's very scientific evidence that's going to say this is evidence based in the treatment of. So you also mentioned too. So you have your values in front of you. But doing that pause and I think again Brene's work when she talks about going into the arena Me too, yes, and so you writing a book?
Carol Park: 22:07
I mean, it's a huge arena where you're going to put a personal story out there, and you're right, you're going to have the critics and, and so how do you stay okay and not go down a shame spiral? And so you know, she talks about self compassion and empathy, and it sounds like your husband is one who does a great job of sitting in your seat of empathy, just being there, seeing you, supporting you, staying out of judgment, staying grounded, being mindful of you know the boundaries of things but being able to really support you. So the self-compassion which I think part of that, you mentioned common humanity. You're not alone in this. You know that other people have also experienced this. That's a huge part of self-compassion. Self-kindness how do you talk to yourself is also another part. So, yeah, how do you? How did you rephrase maybe some of that? Oh, no, am I? Is this imposter syndrome? How can I be writing a book? How can I be? How did you shift that to be more compassionate?
Devra Najera: 23:20
Yeah, I think that's something that's a constant practice and something that, for me, has been a huge challenge, because it's not something I, I didn't so my grandmother, I was very, very close with my Nana, um, and she was definitely complimentary, but she was also my Nana. So there's a piece of it, too, where it's like, of course, like you're, you know, you take it with a grain of salt to some extent, um, cause it's they're supposed to think everything you do is wonderful, but so are your parents, but most of the like, I didn't hear a lot of those things growing up at all, um, and so there's a piece of it where the flip side is it's made me really good at being able to take criticism pretty, pretty well, um. However, there's a piece of it, too, where I am probably my own worst critic, and there was a lot of that going on. So, again, the pause. The pause was a big piece of like and again, is that real?
Devra Najera: 24:21
Why do I think that those questions help? Because you start to equalize that a little bit more and check. It's a reality check, and just reminding yourself that you're human too. I think I get so focused on perfectionism and I've tried to let go of that. You know, isn't it, brene Brown? That I'm a recovering perfectionist. Yes, yes.
Devra Najera: 24:42
Yeah, I will always be in recovery for that. Yes, so again, it's because I'm always trying to be the perfect at something and that's just not real. So if you're trying to weigh yourself against perfect, how can you win? So when you realize that's the bar and you take that away, that helps. I also think I have some really great supportive friends who are super positive. So sometimes I think taking a break and talking to them and you know, having them be your cheerleader and definitely my husband he's he is very supportive and makes they see it different. You know, it's just like everyone says talk to yourself. You would talk to your friend. You, you don't talk to yourself the same way as you would a friend. So sometimes you need to call, phone a friend If you, if you can't get to what you want to hear from yourself, then go find someone who, who will you just got to know your circle.
Carol Park: 25:34
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Devra Najera: 25:35
Phone a friend situation for sure.
Carol Park: 25:38
I like that phone, a friend, and again, a lot of what you're sharing here too, you've put in the book as part of these tools for the healing journey and that can just help in everyday life. Whether it's based in trauma, we can all get overwhelmed by life, and so so many of the tools that you have put in here people can learn and use on a day to day basis and you know, sometimes they may seem like breathing, but very powerful right, yeah, I mean we take it for granted because we do it every day just like eating, though we do that all the time.
Devra Najera: 26:12
And people take that for granted, too do it every day just like eating, though we do that all the time and people take that for granted too. Yeah, for like nutrition and things.
Carol Park: 26:16
It's very impactful yes, it's very important. So it's like, don't knock it till you try it right. So, yeah, is there any, any advice that you might give to somebody who's beginning their healing journey, especially, let's say, from trauma, because you, that's, that's what you wrote your book about?
Devra Najera: 26:37
Yeah, I mean, I think it goes back to sort of what we were just talking about. Really, the self compassion, I think, is a really big piece and something that when you're in that place and if you haven't had someone be super compassionate before, you have to kind of have to go and relearn that. And if you don't know how, I think being around people who do and finding people who do so that you can figure out how to do that is so important. So, um, I think that, just starting out the other pieces, I think a lot of times at least for me, it was like I wanted, when I go and do something, I want to do it all and I want to be done with it.
Devra Najera: 27:16
And healing is just not like that. It's not linear. It's not something where you go and do it and you're like I'm healed. It's something where you can heal and you can get to a great place. But there's always, even if you heal, even if it's possible and you did heal every single thing in your past you're still living. There's going to be stuff that happens. So you know, I think that it's a constant process and just try to be aware as much as possible and ask yourself as many questions, cause I think that leads to something else and leads to something else and leads to something else. And it's those little things when you can take the pressure off and just try to just keep staying the track on the progress of just moving in the right direction and not being so focused on. I want to be healed in the end goal, cause I know for me that's sort of where I was, like I'm going to do all this stuff all at once and then you become overwhelmed and then you want to do nothing.
Carol Park: 28:08
Yes, yes, so yeah it's part of that just meeting yourself where you are right and just being there with yourself where you are in the most compassionate way possible, and again maybe bringing in some of these tools that you've talked about and that self kindness, that common humanity, the things that embrace self compassion. Well, your book is amazing and I'm so excited it's out there for those who are trying to maybe take the next step. Learn some tools that they can use. What's next in your journey? Where?
Devra Najera: 28:49
are you going from here? I'm still trying to figure that out. You go in from here? I'm still trying to figure that out. I think that I would like to do and I would like to continue writing. I think that that has always been something that's kind of been on the back burner. I've wanted to do so this is kind of a bucket list thing and stay within in sort of that theme of, I guess, self-help I know that gets a bad rap, but I just think it's really important and continuing to work on my own sort of healing as well.
Devra Najera: 29:22
Now that I've been writing this. I wasn't reading as much, so I do want to get back to some more reading as well, because I think that's been also super important too is just because it helps me stay focused. I think podcasts like yours as well, I think, also help a lot. Um, but I'm still in the phase of kind of figuring out what exactly I'm doing and and this, for me, was a step in the right direction I felt like it felt right. So just keep, keep staying with that, trying to lean into that feeling.
Carol Park: 29:58
Yeah, I'm, I'm so grateful again, I got the book, I read the book and I'm so grateful that you had the courage to tell your story, to put this in terms that people can understand, and then I think that, again, that the proof is in the pudding. I think, as people really try these things and begin to incorporate and again, just be self-compassionate, ask themselves like, okay, what is it that I need? What do I want I need, what do I want? Like what in my journey? What to life, to love, to healing, to whatever our journey is and wherever we're headed, I just think that your book gives so much truth and so many practical tips. So, thank you for having the courage to write it. Thank you for being our guest here this morning. Write it. Thank you for being our guest here this morning. Again, everybody. The book, somatic therapy for trauma, joy, debra Rowe as the author, and so, debra, thank you again for joining us this morning on the courage unmasked podcast.
Devra Najera: 31:08
Thank you, I really appreciate it and I hope everyone hops onto Amazon.
Carol Park: 31:14
Yes, yes, go hop onto Amazon. It is worth it, is well worth it.